God has a plan even for tarnished goods

My weekend at the conference went well. It was good to feel some connection with other women. From the conference I was reminded of two things, one was Trust, Trust, Trust God has a purpose and plan for my life and as Jeremiah 29:11 states, For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope" To Trust God to continue to work His plan out and thou now my life seems to be in such great conflict with the blessings of today and the pain of the past, God wants me to hope and trust in Him and He can bring healing even to the sever pain in my heart.
The second thing I was reminded of is God can and will use tarnished goods. Sometimes I feel too wounded to be used by Him, that I need to wait till I am healed and whole. But healing is a process that won't be completed until we get to heaven. The pain of the past won't go away but needs to be interrogated into my whole person so God's can us it for His purpose.
At this time I feel mush too, vulnerable, wounded, alone to even begin the interrogation, and once again I am reminded to Trust, Trust, Trust. I am only beginning to understand the pain and wounds inflicted on me by the betrayal of a pastor and just from that the pain seems too overwhelming to face at this time. But I learned even that is okay with God, He loves me, though that seems totally impossible to me at this time to feel, and will wait and continue to work out His plan for me tarnished and all.

_________________________________________________________________

God's Plan

While tonight I leave my husband and two older children and go to the women's conference titled "God's Plan" Then on Sunday we start as a church going through 40 days of purpose. I have been missing my family before I even leave, but am looking forward to going and just having sometime to look inward. Anyway I want to write some love notes for the children and Larry when I am gone. So I will keep this short.



_________________________________________________________________

Routine, Routine, Routine

Well we are slowly getting a routine down for child care and homeschooling. Tonight I went out and photocopied over three hundred work sheets and colouring pages. Each week we are doing a letter of the alphabet and a number. We also do devotions in the morning at breakfast time including children's bible story, talking about prayer(going through an article titled the ABC's of Prayer: Helping children talk to God can be as easy as A-B-C. Use this simple guide to add some spark to your Family's prayer life.), praying and a colouring sheet. My goal is to spend 20-40 minutes a day, broken up into 10 minute periods of planned activities.
The great thing about being at home with my children I can intergrate what they learn into their lives. Today we had the bible story of being a light to the World. I explained to Isaac he can be a light to the world by listening to Mommy And Daddy and being kind to his friends. Well he had a hard day in both these areas, so tonight at bedtime I talk to him about it, and told Him that he should say sorry to God and ask Him to help him be a better light tomorrow. After we prayed he stated: God loves me very very much and He loves Mommy, Daddy, Hannah, and Sarah too. It is so good to see him feeling secure in God's love even when he has done wrong and once again I am reminded of how important my role as a parent is as I mirror though imperfectly the love of God.
Well we will continue to work on being a Godly Mother and Wife and getting a routine down and getting organized. Another thing I have learned is to take one day at a time. Doing the best I can on that day, and starting each day a new. May Isaac also start tomorrow a new and do the best He can.



_________________________________________________________________

The best present ever received on your birthday is you

We had a wonderful day today celebrating Hannah's Birthday. We went to the Buffalo Zoo, had a picnic lunch using her new tea set. She also took her new doll along and carried her, nursed her, and gave her piggy back rides. Hannah is such a happy, social, cute little girl. Where ever we go with her we always get lots of compliments on her. We thank God daily for her and pray she will continue to grow in stature and in love for the Lord.

Whoa what a week! It has been a busy one, and it's not over yet tomorrow Larry's family is coming for Hannah's birthday. I don't feel ready, my house is not in the state I would like it to be, but today as the poem says I choose to be a mother so the eyes of my children would shine over that of a housekeeper. Now the challenge is to give myself permission to let go of the state of my house and enjoy tomorrow with my children, too. Being a perfectionist this is very hard for me to do. But what is important is not the state of my house but the state of my family.

Anyway, Monday is another day, it will take a couple weeks to get in the routine of having all the children back, but I do enjoy it. And the mess of this house will not go any where. You know I have this novel idea: instead of having a barn raising the way people use to, we should have house cleaning, organizing and fixing days. One day a year a small group goes to each home and spends a day together getting things done you never have time to do. Anyway as I said it will all be there Monday and I better find my bed so I have the energy to keep up with the children tomorrow.

_________________________________________________________________

Help I am drowning in laundry

Well it has been a busy week getting into another routine. We got back from camping Monday, Tuesday three extra children invaded my home. I had done four loads of laundry Monday and hung it out Tuesday morning only for the rain to come. So into the dryer it had to go. Well it is all dry piled up in the office waiting for the elves to come fold it. Anyway that's my task for naptime tomorrow, along with getting ready for Hannah's Birthday on Saturday. Our plan is to go to the Zoo, and have a tea party picnic there. So I'm going to make cupcakes with plastic zoo animals on them, little sandwiches, mini muffins, etc. Anyway I chased, refereed, and cared for six children today and am feeling like the marathon is done and it's time to crash, for tomorrow the start voices will sound all to soon if we make it till then.

_________________________________________________________________

Under Construction

I have been busy this week getting things ordered and organized for Child Care and Homeschooling. Now I think I am ready for Tuesday. So I have began packing to go camping for the weekend. It will be nice to get away, relax and enjoy the family.

In the mean time God has been working on me. In a recent e-bulletin from our church, I noticed a women's conference coming up. Out of curiosity I checked out the sight. When I heard the main speakers testimony I was surprised how much of it could be mine. Lately I have been very angry and distant from God. I so much long and pray for healing but instead I seem to get hurt again and again in search of it. I so much want to live in the present because I have been very blessed with a loving husband and three wonderful children but the woundness of the past will not go away. I am also so very afraid to reach out even to God, yet I very much long for a stronger relationship with Him. Anyway I could feel God's tugging at my heart to attend this conference.

But first I had two barrier's to cross:
I would have to be able to bring a nursing infant with and I would need someone to share an inn suite with Sarah and me who understands the struggles of a survivor somewhat and could provide support if needed.
Precepts response to the first was: First of all, we would like to say that if you feel God would have you come, please come. Although it would be an exception to the usual, we want you to be able to heed the voice of our Lord, if He is urging you to be apart of this. They also stated the nursery had windows and a speaker if the baby was fussy so I could still hear the speaker.
Then I emailed the pastor about the next barrier: receiving a call from his secretary,as well as the precept ministry rep for this area: I could stay with her at her sisters, and have my own room as well as a ride there and back.
So I stepped out in faith and registered. As I fearfully wait


_________________________________________________________________